Finding My Way Back
The pace of life ebbs and flows – one minute everything is moving along just fine and you feel like nothing can stop you, the next you just hit a wall and can’t move forward any further. It’s been almost two years since I wrote anything on here and that gap seems to represent a lot of what was happening in my life. I have moments where I feel motivated and ready to contribute to the world and in those moments everything seems to hum along with an easy flow and then something happens, I can’t quite put my finger on exactly what it is, and that flow turns into a crawl. It could be motivation, it could be lack of self care, it could be just how life is. So today I am starting again. I have so many thoughts that flow through my mind, so many lessons that need a space to live, so many life lessons that I want to share so they can help someone else and I need to curate a space where I can leave those for others to use in a way that works for them, and perhaps I need to keep myself accountable for really committing to this space.
I always find I am most balanced when I have a space to lay out my thoughts, when I take time early in the day for a quiet moment that is just for me, and when I make space to work out. Journaling for me was something I didn’t start doing until I was in my mid-thirties – prior to that I didn’t find it useful because I didn’t know what that balance felt like. The catalyst for my journaling was the loss of my cousin which happened very suddenly where I didn’t have time to process what was happening and to be quite honest, I had been in denial about how sick she really was. After her passing I had so many emotions that had no way out and journaling was a space where I could lay out those feelings with no judgement. Expressing how I was feeling was so important for me to be able to move through that grief and learn how to forgive myself for not reaching out to her before it was too late.
I wake up at 5am every day (during the work-week) so I can have a couple of hours to myself before my family wakes up; I’m sure many mom’s can connect with that feeling where you just need a little time to yourself before the demands of everyone else take over your day. So often, as women, we put ourselves last instead of putting ourselves first – it’s what society has taught us to do and what we need to change the most to create more balance and be better able to be there for the people we love in our life. So I wake up early, I do a little journaling, and then I do my workout. I know when I tell people I wake up at 5 am I am usually met with shock and curiosity as to why I would “do that to myself”. I think it’s important to find a time during the day that works for you; for some that is early in the morning, for others it is late at night. In the end, as long as it works for you, it really doesn’t matter when it happens as long as it happens.
My workouts really started as a way to have more energy and be able to do everyday things without being out of breath and feeling tired all the time. I know it can seem counter-intuitive to expend energy in order to have more of it but I have always found I feel better overall when I workout regularly. One of the things it helps me with is stress management – having that time to focus and put all of my pent up frustration or anger into my workout and getting rid of that energy completely allows me to be a better person during the day. The reality is we all have frustrations or things that we carry with us and finding a way to expend that and toss it aside makes us more effective in our interactions with other people. We owe it to our community to not force them to carry our negative energy – this is one of the ways we leave the world a better place when we pass through a space. With everything we are traveling through right now, COVID-19 fatigue anyone?? – we have to work harder at this than we did before.
Not everyday is going to be a good day, and not every week is going to be easy, but with a little bit of time spent on myself the rest of world feels easier to handle. So I am going to leave this post with a few thoughts for you to carry with you if you find them helpful:
- It’s ok to put yourself first – don’t ever feel guilty for that. Just as in a relationship where you need to nurture the connection with your partner, you need to nurture the relationship with yourself.
- It doesn’t matter what putting yourself first looks like, as long as it resonates with you. This is going to be different for every single person and it can take some time to find what feels right. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and ask yourself what things you enjoy doing in your spare time. Try different activities until you find ones that leave you feeling happy when you are finished.
- Find some way to move your body during the day. I want to emphasize here that it doesn’t have to be a typical workout, it can be anything. I don’t believe in diets and working out to lose weight – my personal belief is that these things are not healthy or necessary for you to live in this world. But find any way that you enjoy to create movement in your day, that helps you to manage the daily stresses. It can be dancing in the kitchen through a song, or walking to the mailbox to get the mail. Just remember that your connection between your body and mind is important and figuring out how to keep the two connected with help you find that balance.
Go into your day with intention and love for yourself. Jo xxox